june & july

i finished another 16 hour yoga intensive weekend. it was challenging and fulfilling. i am finding my voice, im creating lifelong friendships, im standing up and being vulnerable, im trying, im practicing, i feel purposeful. i’ve never felt so called to do something in my life. this practice is bringing me face to face with myself, my insecurities, my power, my inner knowing, my light, and my shadows. I’m sincerely grateful.

i’m almost done planning my twin sisters bachelorette party. i’m proud of myself for the effort, intentionality, and love i’ve poured into this. i’m so honored to make julie and kylie feel special and loved. doing things for others brings me peace and it brings me joy

i put in 64 hours of PTO to road trip to the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone in September with my best friend Mia. having something like this to look forward to makes me so giddy and motivated. I haven’t seen Mia since August 2024 so I know we are about to get insanely silly and goofy. I can’t wait to reconnect with the the mountains and remind myself of the vastness of this earth, the simple, most beautiful, and most resilient unwavering source of life and energy

I miss my best friend Danielle. She’s been gone for almost one month. I’ve always known how much I rely on her and how much her presence grounds me especially after my breakup, so in a way her absence has been an opportunity to build even more self reliance and self trust.

My dad visited me for the 4th. He not only apologized to me for his shortcomings, mistakes, and absence but he even asked me “so what does your day to day look like?” that question made me tear up because that is not just a simple question— it’s the inquiry about my life that i have desperately needed to hear my entire life. he hasn’t contacted me since he left July 6th, but i’ll never discredit his effort. he’s flawed and so am i

I’m pondering my next steps once my lease ends in January. An idea I had was to put my shit in storage and move to Durango Colorado for 6 months. I want to be in the mountains. who knows, but the idea is planted

i’ve been on my little way towards letting go, surrendering to unknowns, surrendering to every emotion that floods my chest. it’s so funny because I asked my therapist two weeks ago if it was normal that I felt 90% over my ex boyfriend, and shortly afterwards for an entire week I couldn’t  stop crying again. pain is strange, healing is not linear. nostalgia has been giving me whiplash. I’ve been feeling those old, familiar sensations in my body—the ones that used to rush over me when he walked into my apartment, when he looked at me, when we’d get lost in conversation and I’d be completely enamored. this nostalgia lives deep in the marrow of my bones- the flutter in my chest meets the ache in my soul, convincing me i’ll never feel anything better, i’ll never meet anyone better, and i’ll never love again. i know that isn’t true but some days it feels impossible.

i’m proud of myself for every day i choose to walk into the world with an open mind, open heart, open soul.