inaction

1/2

i feel depleted

its end neared as soon as it began

it’s a pool i jumped in knowing the bottom is 3 feet deep

the water is vast, but shallow

unable to kick my legs free

half in, half out

too cold to stay. too warm leave

strength will find me

I just need one more minute

2/2

my dad told me things i needed to hear 18 years ago

i stared blankly in my car parked outside the driveway as he spoke

your absence and apathy echo in my relationships, I cried

bending backwards, performing a song and dance just to be seen, to be loved

only to not recognize myself in the wreckage of self-abandonment in exchange for scraps I called love

he couldn’t look me in the eyes when he spoke

shame draped over him like second skin

he doesn’t know;

i couldn’t look at him either