three pieces

half-full

I’m working on giving myself the love I once poured into you.

I’ve never felt deserving of that love —

not undeserving, exactly, just… uncomfortable.

It felt disempowering to give you everything,

only to receive crumbs in return.

I shrank. I felt small. I felt insecure.

self-abandoning

I’m working on not self-abandoning.

I’ve always feared abandonment in partnership —

only to realize that every time I’m in a relationship,

I abandon myself first.

I keep my hobbies. I keep my friends.

But emotionally, I leave myself behind.

I think of their life, their issues, their successes more than my own.

I think of their feelings more than my own.

How silly.

when at the end of the day, at the end of life,

all we truly have is ourselves.

trust

Ive never trusted my emotions.

Too loud.

Too much.

Too fragile.

Taking up too much space.

Making the room too heavy.

A sign of weakness. A sign of disempowerment.

Trusting my body’s intelligence has never come naturally.

My brain is slow to catch up to my body.

My nervous system has been trying to tell me things my whole life —

this is just the first time I’m finally listening.

To trust myself, to trust my emotions,

has never felt more real recently.

I can’t live seeking validation from others every time i have a big emotion or am struggling-

“Is it bad that I feel this way?”

“Is it okay to say this?”

“What should I do?”

“Is this too much?”

I’m a good person.

I’m aware. I’m emotionally intelligent.

I can see things from all angles.

I can validate myself.

I can honor my body’s intelligence.