interstate

nature heals all wounds. time heals all wounds. friendship heals all wounds. those are the three things i will center my entire being around for the rest of my days.

i drove 15 hours straight (and alone) to the mountains on Wednesday. i wish i could say that it was cathartic but I went through every emotion imaginable until I was exhausted and my head was buzzing. I felt deep sadness. i ruminated and obsessed over old thoughts, stories, conversations, memories, promises. i cried tears that felt were left over from 6 months ago. I danced and sang at the top of my lungs. I smiled at the mountains nearing after the 12th hour. I had my therapy session during the drive and cried more. my therapist asked me what I want from my two weeks road tripping and camping, and I’m glad she asked me and brought me back to center, to my intention. I said I want to come back to the home that is my breath, my mind, and my body. I want to be present and mindful in my words and in my thoughts. I want to be loving and compassionate towards myself. I want to belly laugh with the people I love. And finally, I want to fully forgive. Not for him but for me. I want to fully let go- of him, of the pain, of the holding on, of memories, of everything. This trip has everything to do with me and surrendering to what is- to the universe. Instead of camping and road tripping with him, I am happily hiking a mountain barefoot, and at the top, screaming from my belly what i need to let go of and forgive. surrendering to the emotion and releasing it.

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